Divorce and Impact on children

9 03 2009

A child cries a lot when his favorite toy was broken.  But after he cried, he will probably do something to fix it, or will ask for someone preferably his mom to help him fix it.  We all know that a mother will do everything for her child, so she will do everything just to fix it.  But once it was fixed, It won’t be the same again.  Them damage will still be there, and the child scrutinizing his repaired toy will se the markings and will cry for it again.  With his innocence and his mother’s will to stop from crying, the only solution she could think of is to buy another toy.  But is that what the child wants?

Not to compare parents from a toy, but they both complete a child’s life: to be happy, and to be nurtured.

When divorce enters into the family, it affects everyone.. and the most affected are the children.  If parents could only know what their children think:

“Can I do something, anything to change my parents’ minds?”

“What will happen to us, to our family, if this happens?”

“Is everything’s  still gonna be okay, like what they always say?”

maybe they’ll begin to think, if they made the right decision.

Can a child make these questions up in his mind, knowing that he’s only a child?  He might also think he’s the cause of all this problems, and begin to think that something’s wrong with him.

As a parent, you are obliged to explain to your child and make him understand that he’s not the reason why considered divorce as solution to your problems.  Maybe as a child, he will not fully understand the situations, but just to hear from you that he’s still loved by his parents is a big impact for him, though he will still choose his parents to be together.

And no matter what you do and convince yourself that the life of your child will not change; the effects of divorce will still be there. And if you or both of you decided to get married again, to give him a new family.. for him, he only have a pair of parents, and they cannot be replaced.





The Importance of Family Communication

31 01 2009

“Families are all about communication and compromise” –  Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P

How often does your family communicate?  Do you talk about your everyday experiences and checks how are each other?  Or just simple hey what’s up? I’m ok.. end of discussion..  or worst, none?

Many families are experiencing lack of communication, although they all live together but they don’t often talk to each other.  How does this happen?  Are they invisible to each other, or they just don’t know how to speak up and open a communication?  For a kid having this family is not healthy for him. He become hesitant to talk about his problems for example in school; when he has a failing grade and his parents are needed to talk to the principal for their child’s performance.  Teenagers however, may no longer ask for his parent’s attention and rather he’ll just seek it to his friends.  He may be lucky enough to have good friends around him or badly as he could be involved with alcohol, tobacco and/or illegal drugs.

It is important to keep the lines of communication open in a family.  Start a good communication on the dining table.  Eating dinner together is the best time and place to communicate and reconnect to each other.  You can talk about each others’ favorite part or biggest challenge of the day.  Or maybe you can make it something playful like “If you would be any super hero, what would you be and why? “.. which could only work for kids below 12 ( imagine if you asked that to your teenage kid ).  And when it comes to teenagers, it will be a little bit hard for you to talk to them especially on the boyfriend/girlfriend issue.  But just let them know that you’re always there to listen and ready to help them on their problems.

Good communication skills in a family may build self-esteem, because a child learns of his capabilities from what his family tells him of himself.  But not in a way that you’ll give comments like “you’re good”, “you’re wonderful”, “you’re perfect”.. and don’t say he’s perfect because he might just answer you back like “isn’t it, nobody’s perfect?” ( children are much intelligent these days ).  Rather, be a nurturing parent, which build self confidence and point out his skills and strengths that will make him aware of his worth.

Your relationship with your family will be stronger if you start opening a good communication today.