Saving Marriage After an Affair

8 06 2009

How do you save your marriage after an affair?  Is it still possible?

Every couple who’s going through this kind of marriage crisis, is asking this question.

It’s hard to gain trust, and it’s even harder to regain that trust when you broke it.  You know that you didn’t meant to break that trust, but it already happened, and you cannot change that no matter what you do.  You regretted it, and had made all kinds of apologies, but still, you felt like you’re the most dirtiest person on earth because you cheated on your partner.  You want to start again, but this trust issue in your relationship had made it harder for you.  You already know your mistake, and will do everything to save your marriage, and start over again.

If you’re on that kind of situation, that you’re the one who cheated.. the world will look at you as the villain.  Although yes, you made a mistake, you’re just a human.  What’s important is, you’ve learned your mistake, you made your apologies to people you hurt especially to your partner, who suffered the most.  They don’t know, but your’re suffering too.

Cheating happens because of many reasons:

One because you’re looking for attention.  This is not a good reason, but it happens, let’s face the reality.  We all get busy to work, to taking care of the kids and to doing the everyday chores, or to whatever reasons that makes us busy.  We forget our responsibilities with our partner, that we should also make time with them.  But what makes it worse is that, you don’t have good communication.  Maybe you’re not fighting, or not having any problems.. but you’re problem is, you’re not communicating.. at all.

One very bad reason is, when you’re getting tired of your relationship, and you’re looking for something new, and adventurous.  That really happens, to couples where either it’s your wife or your husband is no longer attractive to you.  You will look for someone, or sometimes, you see someone and you get attracted to them, and you can’t resist.  You know it’s wrong, very wrong, but you still did it.

Another reason that most people might agree with, is the cheater itself.  Like if you’re a serial cheater.  This kind of reason we all know is unforgivable, because serial cheating means, you do it over and over and over again.  That you’ve been known like that and you think it’s cool, because even if people knows you as a notorious serial cheater, you still get into a relationship.

But if you’re the one who was cheated on, how will you react on this?  How will you face your partner, or do you still want to talk about it at all?

No matter what the reasons are, if as long as it stopped and you have heard everything you need to hear, negotiation is necessary.  Although it’s hard to face the fact that your partner got the feeling of not liking you, you have to deal with it.  What’s important is, he/she went back to their original selves, and realized that they’re making the biggest mistakes of their lives.  Communication is very helpful.  Talk about everything, listen to each others’ thoughts, and respect it.  Although your partner made the mistake, it doesn’t mean you didn’t made a mistake.

Easy said than done, but forgive and forget is the only remedy for this kind of marriage problem.

But to the last reason of cheating, if you’re that kind of person, you need help.





Some facts about cheating

19 01 2009

Do men cheat more often than women?  What pushes a person to have an affair?  Is it about sex or more often emotional reasons that drives them to these affairs?

One of the primary reasons why people cheat is because they’re not happy with their relationship.  Unsatisfied person will seek for someone who will fulfill that satisfaction they’ve been looking for in a relationship.
Loneliness drives women to seek out affairs and cheat on their partner.  If a woman is not appreciated or is not receiving the attention she feels she deserves in a relationship, she might be tempted to seek the attention to someone else and become involved in an affair.
While men on the other hand, cheat on their partner because of lack of interest.  Undesirable relationship leads a man to have an affair with someone who gives him the excitement he desires.  But he will not end the current relationship he has for fear that he may not find what he’s looking for and may be left alone in the end.

Men cheat more than women do.  Before, this was the case, but now the infedelity is balancing between men and women.  If a woman confirmed that her partner is cheating on her, or even just a suspicion, she may take it against her partner and do the same.  Revenge is a not good step, but most women tend to cheat on their partner and seek a way to hurt them in the same way.

It is an unpleasant experience to catch a cheating partner, but the sooner to know the truth, the better.  If the affair is known or strongly suspected, it’s better to be told.  There’s still more chance to help your relationship get back to work again.