Saving Marriage After an Affair

8 06 2009

How do you save your marriage after an affair?  Is it still possible?

Every couple who’s going through this kind of marriage crisis, is asking this question.

It’s hard to gain trust, and it’s even harder to regain that trust when you broke it.  You know that you didn’t meant to break that trust, but it already happened, and you cannot change that no matter what you do.  You regretted it, and had made all kinds of apologies, but still, you felt like you’re the most dirtiest person on earth because you cheated on your partner.  You want to start again, but this trust issue in your relationship had made it harder for you.  You already know your mistake, and will do everything to save your marriage, and start over again.

If you’re on that kind of situation, that you’re the one who cheated.. the world will look at you as the villain.  Although yes, you made a mistake, you’re just a human.  What’s important is, you’ve learned your mistake, you made your apologies to people you hurt especially to your partner, who suffered the most.  They don’t know, but your’re suffering too.

Cheating happens because of many reasons:

One because you’re looking for attention.  This is not a good reason, but it happens, let’s face the reality.  We all get busy to work, to taking care of the kids and to doing the everyday chores, or to whatever reasons that makes us busy.  We forget our responsibilities with our partner, that we should also make time with them.  But what makes it worse is that, you don’t have good communication.  Maybe you’re not fighting, or not having any problems.. but you’re problem is, you’re not communicating.. at all.

One very bad reason is, when you’re getting tired of your relationship, and you’re looking for something new, and adventurous.  That really happens, to couples where either it’s your wife or your husband is no longer attractive to you.  You will look for someone, or sometimes, you see someone and you get attracted to them, and you can’t resist.  You know it’s wrong, very wrong, but you still did it.

Another reason that most people might agree with, is the cheater itself.  Like if you’re a serial cheater.  This kind of reason we all know is unforgivable, because serial cheating means, you do it over and over and over again.  That you’ve been known like that and you think it’s cool, because even if people knows you as a notorious serial cheater, you still get into a relationship.

But if you’re the one who was cheated on, how will you react on this?  How will you face your partner, or do you still want to talk about it at all?

No matter what the reasons are, if as long as it stopped and you have heard everything you need to hear, negotiation is necessary.  Although it’s hard to face the fact that your partner got the feeling of not liking you, you have to deal with it.  What’s important is, he/she went back to their original selves, and realized that they’re making the biggest mistakes of their lives.  Communication is very helpful.  Talk about everything, listen to each others’ thoughts, and respect it.  Although your partner made the mistake, it doesn’t mean you didn’t made a mistake.

Easy said than done, but forgive and forget is the only remedy for this kind of marriage problem.

But to the last reason of cheating, if you’re that kind of person, you need help.





Easy Ways on How to Save A Marriage

1 06 2009

Many people are having a hard time saving their marriages, well, we could not blame them.. it’s really hard.  Saving a marriage from divorce is one of the hardest part of marriage.  But saving a marriage, if you and your partner still have love for each other and you want to save your marriage.. is just easy.. though, not fast.  It will take time, you need to work on it.. both of you in the relationship, should work on it.

As we all know, marriage is a working relationship.  Communication should always be there.  If you didn’t had that constant communication on your marriage, then now is the right time to do it.  Talk and listen.  If you think there is something that you should talk about in your relationship, talk about it.  A very nice approach will end to a very healthy and nice talk.  Treat your partner as your friend (with benefits?), talk to him/her like your talking to your friend.. like you’re just hanging out and enjoying each others’ company.

Always make a way to spend some quality time with your partner.  Being busy at work or at home, doing all the household chores or taking care of your children, is not an excuse to not to give time to your partner.  Spending times every week, once a week is enough to communicate and check each other.  Rekindle your relationship by setting up dates.  It doesn’t have to an expensive, a simple dinner date, a walk to a park, or going to your special places before, when you were just starting your relationship.

Leaving a romantic note, saying I Love You in your most romantic way.. who will not blush like a teenager if you heard it from your love one?  Anyone would.. wouldn’t you?

Marriage counseling is a big help too.  Although we sometimes hear that it doesn’t work, it actually depends on how you will take it.  If you trust your marriage counselor, and will obey or listen to every advice he/she will give you.. he/she could help you save your marriage.  Saving your marriage mostly depends on you.  On how you will work on it, on how eager you are, and on how much love you have for your love partner.





How to win your love back

4 05 2009

How can you win back the love that has gone?  First, you have to figure out what went wrong with your relationship.

What did you do?

What did you not do?

What did you over do?

What did you slightly do?

When you cheated, or hurt your partner physically or emotionally, that’s a huge reason to break up with you.  You don’t expect your partner to still hang there and pretend like nothing happened, right?  But sometimes, we do something and we’re not aware that we have been hurting our love ones, or we don’t care that they’re hurting (that’s bad).  And now, we want them back.. well, good luck to that.  We have to learn to accept our mistakes, and do our best not to do those mistakes again.

Does the things you did not do could affect your relationship with your partner?  Yes, especially when it is something that your partner had been asking you, and you did not even cared to try, or you’re that busy you have no extra time for that.  It is not about that special requests from your partner, these things could be time, a quality time together.  Spending quality times with your partner is very important.  Lack of time could make your partner think that he/she’s not important to you anymore.  And it could be one of the reasons why you broke up.. now you have an idea how to win your partner back.. at least.

Whatever that’s overly done is not right.  It’s like overdosing yourself from a drug, it could kill you, it could give you hallucinations, and it’s not healthy.  In a relationship, if you’re always giving everything, and always willing to do everything for your partner, and is not receiving the same from them, but it’s still okay with you, it’s not healthy either.  That only fits to a parent-child relationship, and if this goes on.. your partner will be so dependent on you.  There are some people who likes them to be treated like that, but not all wants to be a king or queen in the hearts of their love ones.  Yes, he/she have to be no.1 in your heat, but your partner to be the king or queen.. then your the slave?  Because it’s you who gives more love, then you become the slave, who gives whatever your highness asks.. or even not asked.

The thing is, you should also love youself.  Maybe your partner is one of the people who don’t want to be treated like a queen or a king.  Maybe your partner wants to give their best to reciprocate that love, but yours is so overwhelming that they cannot give themselves the way you do.  So maybe, that’s one of the reasons why he/she left you.  Love your partner, but don’t forget to love yourself.

Now, if there’s overdosing.. there’s also lack of love.  It could also be not giving much time to your partner, or you simply don’t know how to show your love for them.  But if you don’t love your partner that much before, and now you’re so very much into him/her, but it’s too late.. now is the right time to change.

It’s not too late to make a change, show your ex that you’ve changed.  Show him/her that you’re worth the second chance, or third maybe.. but don’t push yourself, just be friendly and be confident (which are the second and third tips).





A New Beginning

3 04 2009

Why A New Beginning?
Because it means a better life, positivity, a better future.  It also means a new life ahead of you, or a new start with your partner.  Starting for new chapters of your relationship, for the better.  Changing all that has to be changed.. improving everything that has to be improved.  And making your and others’ past experiences as your guide and your motivations to move on and to improve your relationship with your partner.  But how are you going to start a new?  Where do you start?

A New Beginning Marriage Workshop is not like counseling or therapy.  It is an educational experience unlike anything else you may have ever tried or encountered before.  Although all of the Leaders of A New Beginning are counselors or therapists with advanced training in marriage and family issues, the workshop is not about analysis.  It’s about empowering you with knowledge, insight and skills.

What if your spouse don’t trust or is having a hard time trusting a third party to get in between your personal matters?  And it will end up like you’re the only to attend.. well that doesn’t matter, because you’re not the only one to attend the workshop without your spouse with you.  It had been the case for most who had experienced and attended it.. and they left the workshop with the information necessary to understand where their marriage went wrong, tools to evaluate the behavior and expectations as spouse, and skills to develop a strong marital relationship.  And what happens next, is up to them.. to you.  The decision to whether to save your marriage or not, is up to you.

Couples who attend the workshop are there for many different reasons, they come from different ages, and are all willing to learn skills that can help them save their marriages.  Even couples who had divorced, were reunited and fallen back in love with each other after attending A New Beginning.

It is never too late to save your marriage.  Do it for yourself and for your relationship with your partner especially, and for your children if you have one.

*To register, visit Workshop Pre-Registration and fill out the information needed to begin the registration process.





Divorce and Impact on children

9 03 2009

A child cries a lot when his favorite toy was broken.  But after he cried, he will probably do something to fix it, or will ask for someone preferably his mom to help him fix it.  We all know that a mother will do everything for her child, so she will do everything just to fix it.  But once it was fixed, It won’t be the same again.  Them damage will still be there, and the child scrutinizing his repaired toy will se the markings and will cry for it again.  With his innocence and his mother’s will to stop from crying, the only solution she could think of is to buy another toy.  But is that what the child wants?

Not to compare parents from a toy, but they both complete a child’s life: to be happy, and to be nurtured.

When divorce enters into the family, it affects everyone.. and the most affected are the children.  If parents could only know what their children think:

“Can I do something, anything to change my parents’ minds?”

“What will happen to us, to our family, if this happens?”

“Is everything’s  still gonna be okay, like what they always say?”

maybe they’ll begin to think, if they made the right decision.

Can a child make these questions up in his mind, knowing that he’s only a child?  He might also think he’s the cause of all this problems, and begin to think that something’s wrong with him.

As a parent, you are obliged to explain to your child and make him understand that he’s not the reason why considered divorce as solution to your problems.  Maybe as a child, he will not fully understand the situations, but just to hear from you that he’s still loved by his parents is a big impact for him, though he will still choose his parents to be together.

And no matter what you do and convince yourself that the life of your child will not change; the effects of divorce will still be there. And if you or both of you decided to get married again, to give him a new family.. for him, he only have a pair of parents, and they cannot be replaced.





Spend quality time with your partner

10 02 2009

“Every relationship needs quality time for the bond to remain close and to strengthen over time. Without quality time together a couple will gradually become distant and somewhat alienated from each other.” –Darren G. Burton, “How To Keep Your Man: And Keep Him For Good”

Spending quality time with your partner is as important as keeping your diet balance. You keep your diet to keep you fit and healthy, same thing should be in a relationship. To keep your relationship healthy, you should keep the communication with your partner and at least once or twice a week to spend times alone together. But how can you do it when you have kids to look at to? And your spouse gets home at night from work, tired. Is it still possible for you and your partner to spend times together?

There are ways which have been tried and practical in a way that you don’t have to give super effort to achieve it.

Make your weekends exclusively for family

It is simply no work on weekends. Make a deal that no one will bring work at home during weekends. Weekends is suppose to be the day for relaxation and days to cope with family. You can save Saturdays as your fixed date with your partner: go out and have fun just like what you used to when you were dating before. And on Sundays is for your family. A simple picnic will do, or share popcorn or pizza while watching a movie at home, or if you have budget, going to the mall is what children would really love.

Drive to/from work together whenever you can

If both of you are working, and you have the same destinations, driving together is a good chance to talk and catch up to each other. Listening to music can start up a good talk. And try not to talk about work as long as you can.

Plan and cook meal together

You can add some spice to your relationship while cooking together. Plan to cook something that both you haven’t tried before, or try to experiment and name it after your names or your kid’s name.

It doesn’t matter how long you spend time with each other, as long as you enjoy those times that you’re together. You cannot expect your partner to give his/her full attention to you. Because beside from work, there are things a person wants to do it only by him/herself. Spending times together is important in a relationship, but doings things separately sometimes, may help your relationship grow stronger.





Some facts about cheating

19 01 2009

Do men cheat more often than women?  What pushes a person to have an affair?  Is it about sex or more often emotional reasons that drives them to these affairs?

One of the primary reasons why people cheat is because they’re not happy with their relationship.  Unsatisfied person will seek for someone who will fulfill that satisfaction they’ve been looking for in a relationship.
Loneliness drives women to seek out affairs and cheat on their partner.  If a woman is not appreciated or is not receiving the attention she feels she deserves in a relationship, she might be tempted to seek the attention to someone else and become involved in an affair.
While men on the other hand, cheat on their partner because of lack of interest.  Undesirable relationship leads a man to have an affair with someone who gives him the excitement he desires.  But he will not end the current relationship he has for fear that he may not find what he’s looking for and may be left alone in the end.

Men cheat more than women do.  Before, this was the case, but now the infedelity is balancing between men and women.  If a woman confirmed that her partner is cheating on her, or even just a suspicion, she may take it against her partner and do the same.  Revenge is a not good step, but most women tend to cheat on their partner and seek a way to hurt them in the same way.

It is an unpleasant experience to catch a cheating partner, but the sooner to know the truth, the better.  If the affair is known or strongly suspected, it’s better to be told.  There’s still more chance to help your relationship get back to work again.