Saving Marriage After an Affair

8 06 2009

How do you save your marriage after an affair?  Is it still possible?

Every couple who’s going through this kind of marriage crisis, is asking this question.

It’s hard to gain trust, and it’s even harder to regain that trust when you broke it.  You know that you didn’t meant to break that trust, but it already happened, and you cannot change that no matter what you do.  You regretted it, and had made all kinds of apologies, but still, you felt like you’re the most dirtiest person on earth because you cheated on your partner.  You want to start again, but this trust issue in your relationship had made it harder for you.  You already know your mistake, and will do everything to save your marriage, and start over again.

If you’re on that kind of situation, that you’re the one who cheated.. the world will look at you as the villain.  Although yes, you made a mistake, you’re just a human.  What’s important is, you’ve learned your mistake, you made your apologies to people you hurt especially to your partner, who suffered the most.  They don’t know, but your’re suffering too.

Cheating happens because of many reasons:

One because you’re looking for attention.  This is not a good reason, but it happens, let’s face the reality.  We all get busy to work, to taking care of the kids and to doing the everyday chores, or to whatever reasons that makes us busy.  We forget our responsibilities with our partner, that we should also make time with them.  But what makes it worse is that, you don’t have good communication.  Maybe you’re not fighting, or not having any problems.. but you’re problem is, you’re not communicating.. at all.

One very bad reason is, when you’re getting tired of your relationship, and you’re looking for something new, and adventurous.  That really happens, to couples where either it’s your wife or your husband is no longer attractive to you.  You will look for someone, or sometimes, you see someone and you get attracted to them, and you can’t resist.  You know it’s wrong, very wrong, but you still did it.

Another reason that most people might agree with, is the cheater itself.  Like if you’re a serial cheater.  This kind of reason we all know is unforgivable, because serial cheating means, you do it over and over and over again.  That you’ve been known like that and you think it’s cool, because even if people knows you as a notorious serial cheater, you still get into a relationship.

But if you’re the one who was cheated on, how will you react on this?  How will you face your partner, or do you still want to talk about it at all?

No matter what the reasons are, if as long as it stopped and you have heard everything you need to hear, negotiation is necessary.  Although it’s hard to face the fact that your partner got the feeling of not liking you, you have to deal with it.  What’s important is, he/she went back to their original selves, and realized that they’re making the biggest mistakes of their lives.  Communication is very helpful.  Talk about everything, listen to each others’ thoughts, and respect it.  Although your partner made the mistake, it doesn’t mean you didn’t made a mistake.

Easy said than done, but forgive and forget is the only remedy for this kind of marriage problem.

But to the last reason of cheating, if you’re that kind of person, you need help.

Advertisements




How to win your love back

4 05 2009

How can you win back the love that has gone?  First, you have to figure out what went wrong with your relationship.

What did you do?

What did you not do?

What did you over do?

What did you slightly do?

When you cheated, or hurt your partner physically or emotionally, that’s a huge reason to break up with you.  You don’t expect your partner to still hang there and pretend like nothing happened, right?  But sometimes, we do something and we’re not aware that we have been hurting our love ones, or we don’t care that they’re hurting (that’s bad).  And now, we want them back.. well, good luck to that.  We have to learn to accept our mistakes, and do our best not to do those mistakes again.

Does the things you did not do could affect your relationship with your partner?  Yes, especially when it is something that your partner had been asking you, and you did not even cared to try, or you’re that busy you have no extra time for that.  It is not about that special requests from your partner, these things could be time, a quality time together.  Spending quality times with your partner is very important.  Lack of time could make your partner think that he/she’s not important to you anymore.  And it could be one of the reasons why you broke up.. now you have an idea how to win your partner back.. at least.

Whatever that’s overly done is not right.  It’s like overdosing yourself from a drug, it could kill you, it could give you hallucinations, and it’s not healthy.  In a relationship, if you’re always giving everything, and always willing to do everything for your partner, and is not receiving the same from them, but it’s still okay with you, it’s not healthy either.  That only fits to a parent-child relationship, and if this goes on.. your partner will be so dependent on you.  There are some people who likes them to be treated like that, but not all wants to be a king or queen in the hearts of their love ones.  Yes, he/she have to be no.1 in your heat, but your partner to be the king or queen.. then your the slave?  Because it’s you who gives more love, then you become the slave, who gives whatever your highness asks.. or even not asked.

The thing is, you should also love youself.  Maybe your partner is one of the people who don’t want to be treated like a queen or a king.  Maybe your partner wants to give their best to reciprocate that love, but yours is so overwhelming that they cannot give themselves the way you do.  So maybe, that’s one of the reasons why he/she left you.  Love your partner, but don’t forget to love yourself.

Now, if there’s overdosing.. there’s also lack of love.  It could also be not giving much time to your partner, or you simply don’t know how to show your love for them.  But if you don’t love your partner that much before, and now you’re so very much into him/her, but it’s too late.. now is the right time to change.

It’s not too late to make a change, show your ex that you’ve changed.  Show him/her that you’re worth the second chance, or third maybe.. but don’t push yourself, just be friendly and be confident (which are the second and third tips).