Saving Marriage After an Affair

8 06 2009

How do you save your marriage after an affair?  Is it still possible?

Every couple who’s going through this kind of marriage crisis, is asking this question.

It’s hard to gain trust, and it’s even harder to regain that trust when you broke it.  You know that you didn’t meant to break that trust, but it already happened, and you cannot change that no matter what you do.  You regretted it, and had made all kinds of apologies, but still, you felt like you’re the most dirtiest person on earth because you cheated on your partner.  You want to start again, but this trust issue in your relationship had made it harder for you.  You already know your mistake, and will do everything to save your marriage, and start over again.

If you’re on that kind of situation, that you’re the one who cheated.. the world will look at you as the villain.  Although yes, you made a mistake, you’re just a human.  What’s important is, you’ve learned your mistake, you made your apologies to people you hurt especially to your partner, who suffered the most.  They don’t know, but your’re suffering too.

Cheating happens because of many reasons:

One because you’re looking for attention.  This is not a good reason, but it happens, let’s face the reality.  We all get busy to work, to taking care of the kids and to doing the everyday chores, or to whatever reasons that makes us busy.  We forget our responsibilities with our partner, that we should also make time with them.  But what makes it worse is that, you don’t have good communication.  Maybe you’re not fighting, or not having any problems.. but you’re problem is, you’re not communicating.. at all.

One very bad reason is, when you’re getting tired of your relationship, and you’re looking for something new, and adventurous.  That really happens, to couples where either it’s your wife or your husband is no longer attractive to you.  You will look for someone, or sometimes, you see someone and you get attracted to them, and you can’t resist.  You know it’s wrong, very wrong, but you still did it.

Another reason that most people might agree with, is the cheater itself.  Like if you’re a serial cheater.  This kind of reason we all know is unforgivable, because serial cheating means, you do it over and over and over again.  That you’ve been known like that and you think it’s cool, because even if people knows you as a notorious serial cheater, you still get into a relationship.

But if you’re the one who was cheated on, how will you react on this?  How will you face your partner, or do you still want to talk about it at all?

No matter what the reasons are, if as long as it stopped and you have heard everything you need to hear, negotiation is necessary.  Although it’s hard to face the fact that your partner got the feeling of not liking you, you have to deal with it.  What’s important is, he/she went back to their original selves, and realized that they’re making the biggest mistakes of their lives.  Communication is very helpful.  Talk about everything, listen to each others’ thoughts, and respect it.  Although your partner made the mistake, it doesn’t mean you didn’t made a mistake.

Easy said than done, but forgive and forget is the only remedy for this kind of marriage problem.

But to the last reason of cheating, if you’re that kind of person, you need help.

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How to save a marriage that’s about to fall apart?

12 01 2009

Marriage is the institution whereby men and women are joined in a special kind of social and legal dependence for the purpose of founding and maintaining a family.

It’s so heartbreaking to see that a marriage will just end after the long time of taking care of it.  The fact that filing for divorce is not usually the solution,  it just may cause extreme confusion to your children, and we don’t want that to happen.  Now, how are you gonna save your marriage?

If you and your partner are both commited to save your relationship, you can always seek for a professional help.  Aside from marriage counseling, there are other ways on how to save your marriage.

  • Learn to realize that there’s no such thing as a perfect marriage.  Every relationship has it’s own problems and yet there are solutions to every problems.  A couple who’s dreaming of a perfect marriage or perfect relationship is living on a fairy tale, which all we know does not exist.  You just have to learn how to fix your problems, and do it together.
  • Communicate.  It is very important in a relationship especially in marriage.  Have yourselves time to talk about the relationship, and as much as possible, forget about blaming and confronting each other, you had done all that.
  • Learn how to compromise with your partner.  It is one of the key component of a healthy relationship, especially in marriage.  It’s a give-and-take relationship that each party should learn.
  • The Commitment.  When you entered a relationship, there’s a commitment bonded.  Commitment plays the biggest role in your relationship.  Everything will be of no use if one of you is not interested at all.

Saving a marriage always depends on both parties, if both of you are really into it, then you can still save it.  Remember that you should always think of your children first before you, their future should not be at risk.