Saving Marriage After an Affair

8 06 2009

How do you save your marriage after an affair?  Is it still possible?

Every couple who’s going through this kind of marriage crisis, is asking this question.

It’s hard to gain trust, and it’s even harder to regain that trust when you broke it.  You know that you didn’t meant to break that trust, but it already happened, and you cannot change that no matter what you do.  You regretted it, and had made all kinds of apologies, but still, you felt like you’re the most dirtiest person on earth because you cheated on your partner.  You want to start again, but this trust issue in your relationship had made it harder for you.  You already know your mistake, and will do everything to save your marriage, and start over again.

If you’re on that kind of situation, that you’re the one who cheated.. the world will look at you as the villain.  Although yes, you made a mistake, you’re just a human.  What’s important is, you’ve learned your mistake, you made your apologies to people you hurt especially to your partner, who suffered the most.  They don’t know, but your’re suffering too.

Cheating happens because of many reasons:

One because you’re looking for attention.  This is not a good reason, but it happens, let’s face the reality.  We all get busy to work, to taking care of the kids and to doing the everyday chores, or to whatever reasons that makes us busy.  We forget our responsibilities with our partner, that we should also make time with them.  But what makes it worse is that, you don’t have good communication.  Maybe you’re not fighting, or not having any problems.. but you’re problem is, you’re not communicating.. at all.

One very bad reason is, when you’re getting tired of your relationship, and you’re looking for something new, and adventurous.  That really happens, to couples where either it’s your wife or your husband is no longer attractive to you.  You will look for someone, or sometimes, you see someone and you get attracted to them, and you can’t resist.  You know it’s wrong, very wrong, but you still did it.

Another reason that most people might agree with, is the cheater itself.  Like if you’re a serial cheater.  This kind of reason we all know is unforgivable, because serial cheating means, you do it over and over and over again.  That you’ve been known like that and you think it’s cool, because even if people knows you as a notorious serial cheater, you still get into a relationship.

But if you’re the one who was cheated on, how will you react on this?  How will you face your partner, or do you still want to talk about it at all?

No matter what the reasons are, if as long as it stopped and you have heard everything you need to hear, negotiation is necessary.  Although it’s hard to face the fact that your partner got the feeling of not liking you, you have to deal with it.  What’s important is, he/she went back to their original selves, and realized that they’re making the biggest mistakes of their lives.  Communication is very helpful.  Talk about everything, listen to each others’ thoughts, and respect it.  Although your partner made the mistake, it doesn’t mean you didn’t made a mistake.

Easy said than done, but forgive and forget is the only remedy for this kind of marriage problem.

But to the last reason of cheating, if you’re that kind of person, you need help.





How do you survive a long distance relationship?

13 04 2009

Many says it’s impossible.  There are others who says it’s possible, but it’s very difficult to handle.  A lot of sacrifices are needed to make it work, and you should double or triple your trust to your partner.  They say, the longer times you’re not together, the weaker your relationship gets.  And the longer times you have not seen each other, the lesser interest or lesser attraction you’ll feel towards your long distance partner.  So the end point is, separation (a permanent separation of a temporarily separated relationship).  It’s sad, but most long distance relationships, ends like that.

But what did they do, what have they done to their relationships to make it work that they’re now together and living happily with their partners?  What sacrifices did they do to achieve what they have now?

The answers are in your own relationship.  See how much you can give.  How much you can sacrifice for it, and how strong your feelings are for each other.  If you can trust your partner more than you trust him/her before. If you hear anything about anyone who’s linking to your partner, never confront him/her without concrete evidences.  Remember, trust is what you can only hang on to, and you will not enter into this kind of relationship if you don’t trust this person.  If you love each other enough, and if you respect each other deeply, and if you both understand each others’ situation, it’s not impossible to get through long distance relationship.  Anyway, you’re not always away from each other.

Communication is very important in every relationship.  If your communication to each other is not fading, or if you have constant time for each other.  Maybe, you can get through it too, and if you believe that you will be together too soon.  No matter how soon that is, what’ s important is, you agreed to each other that you’ll be strong for your relationship, and that the time will come that you’ll be together again.

Sacrifices are also necessary in a long distance relationship.  If you’re willing to give up some important things or persons or job for your partner, to be able to get near him/her, do it.  Because in life, you cannot have it all, you have to choose what you think will make you happier.  Between career and love, but you don’t have to choose between your relationship and your family and friends.. because you can still see them once in a while and be with your partner away from them.  What more can you ask for if you’re with someone you’ve been longing to be with?

Long distance relationship only works to couples who have deep love, trust, understanding and respect to their partners.  But a relationship who possesses those traits, but do not have enough patience at all, will not survive it.  Patience is a virtue.. always.





Is love is still in the air?

25 02 2009

Valentines day had passed.  Now everyone is busy at work and trying to earn again the money they used on that special day.  But, is it worth it?  Did everything ended up to something that you planned and dreamed of?  Did the air filled with love when you were together on that night? on that whole day of 14th?

Isn’t it nice to see couples holding hands while walking, eating on fine restaurants with music filled with love.  Then you can really say that “love is in the air”.  But on the other side of it, there are some couples who break and are fighting on that very special day for lovers.  For reasons that all relationships had encountered.  Maybe they still tried to fix it and be sweet like the other  couples, but just can’t be.  Anyway, you can’t hide hatred and all the emotions hanging on your head and pretend like you’re ok when it’s really not.  That maybe the idea of Valentines date just worsen the fight.

And now couples of days had passed, does the  sweet couples of Valentines day are still sweet? or become sweeter?  How does Valentines affect your relationship?  Does it makes you more open to each other, and made your relationship stronger?  Because some remained dull.  No matter how hard they try to save the relationship, it just can’t, maybe it’s better to cut it off, before it create more damage to both of them.  That maybe they can still be friends, maybe they’ll be better of friends than lovers.  Anyway, some ex-couples become friends, just as long as they had a good break up, no more hard feelings, and everything had a nice closure.

Love should not always be just on the 14th of February, or on 25th of December as they say.  Though those are special days, isn’t it better if we feel it all through the year,  and have no feeling of being so caught by the special holiday where lovers should be sweet all over and gifts given away to special someones?  Though those days just happen once a year, sometimes it’s all frustating that someone or rather everyone is expecting you of something which you cannot give.  Maybe it’s something that we just have to live with, because that’s the way it is, and we can’t do nothing to change it.  Just maybe next time, be more honest to each other, so there will be no risk of losing something.