Saving Marriage After an Affair

8 06 2009

How do you save your marriage after an affair?  Is it still possible?

Every couple who’s going through this kind of marriage crisis, is asking this question.

It’s hard to gain trust, and it’s even harder to regain that trust when you broke it.  You know that you didn’t meant to break that trust, but it already happened, and you cannot change that no matter what you do.  You regretted it, and had made all kinds of apologies, but still, you felt like you’re the most dirtiest person on earth because you cheated on your partner.  You want to start again, but this trust issue in your relationship had made it harder for you.  You already know your mistake, and will do everything to save your marriage, and start over again.

If you’re on that kind of situation, that you’re the one who cheated.. the world will look at you as the villain.  Although yes, you made a mistake, you’re just a human.  What’s important is, you’ve learned your mistake, you made your apologies to people you hurt especially to your partner, who suffered the most.  They don’t know, but your’re suffering too.

Cheating happens because of many reasons:

One because you’re looking for attention.  This is not a good reason, but it happens, let’s face the reality.  We all get busy to work, to taking care of the kids and to doing the everyday chores, or to whatever reasons that makes us busy.  We forget our responsibilities with our partner, that we should also make time with them.  But what makes it worse is that, you don’t have good communication.  Maybe you’re not fighting, or not having any problems.. but you’re problem is, you’re not communicating.. at all.

One very bad reason is, when you’re getting tired of your relationship, and you’re looking for something new, and adventurous.  That really happens, to couples where either it’s your wife or your husband is no longer attractive to you.  You will look for someone, or sometimes, you see someone and you get attracted to them, and you can’t resist.  You know it’s wrong, very wrong, but you still did it.

Another reason that most people might agree with, is the cheater itself.  Like if you’re a serial cheater.  This kind of reason we all know is unforgivable, because serial cheating means, you do it over and over and over again.  That you’ve been known like that and you think it’s cool, because even if people knows you as a notorious serial cheater, you still get into a relationship.

But if you’re the one who was cheated on, how will you react on this?  How will you face your partner, or do you still want to talk about it at all?

No matter what the reasons are, if as long as it stopped and you have heard everything you need to hear, negotiation is necessary.  Although it’s hard to face the fact that your partner got the feeling of not liking you, you have to deal with it.  What’s important is, he/she went back to their original selves, and realized that they’re making the biggest mistakes of their lives.  Communication is very helpful.  Talk about everything, listen to each others’ thoughts, and respect it.  Although your partner made the mistake, it doesn’t mean you didn’t made a mistake.

Easy said than done, but forgive and forget is the only remedy for this kind of marriage problem.

But to the last reason of cheating, if you’re that kind of person, you need help.

Advertisements




Is My Marriage Worth A Second Chance?

29 05 2009

Actually, the real question for the real world is..  Do I want my marriage to give a second chance?

That means a lot I know.  But that is true though.  Not all married couples who are going through this rough patch, know if they still want their marriage to be saved.

But come to think of it, why did you married that person in the first place?  You’ve been hearing this, reading this, but it is true..  you gave your vows, you agreed to tie yourselves to each other for the rest of your lives, and enjoyed your honeymoon..  but now that your marriage is drowning.. bit by bit.. you will let go? and leave your partner there?  That is very immature and unprofessional.

Remember the days you were happy together, where you usually spend most of your times together, and where and when you made all your firsts.  Those things are enough for you to say that “my marriage is worth a second chance!”.

There is no perfect in this world.. we all agree to that, but you cannot use that reason to escape from your responsibilities, and pretend like nothing happened.  Try to solve the problem first before getting into the conclusion.  There are a lot of ways you can do to save your marriage.  Rekindling your relationship; set-up dates, it doesn’t have to be expensive, but if you can afford.. much more appreciated.  When you have kids, you could hire a baby sitter only to that specific date, if you cannot afford to hire a baby sitter..  take your baby with you and walk to the park.  Say your I Love Yous to your partner, show your love for him/her in your most romantic way.

Infidelity in marriage, one of the top reasons why people are having second thoughts about saving their marriages.  Although it is really not easy to face this kind of marriage crisis, if your partner who cheated on you already said their sincere apologies and promised not to do that again, giving them second chance is also one of your responsibility as it is included in your vow.

Every marriage is worth a second chance.