Saving Marriage After an Affair

How do you save your marriage after an affair?  Is it still possible?

Every couple who’s going through this kind of marriage crisis, is asking this question.

It’s hard to gain trust, and it’s even harder to regain that trust when you broke it.  You know that you didn’t meant to break that trust, but it already happened, and you cannot change that no matter what you do.  You regretted it, and had made all kinds of apologies, but still, you felt like you’re the most dirtiest person on earth because you cheated on your partner.  You want to start again, but this trust issue in your relationship had made it harder for you.  You already know your mistake, and will do everything to save your marriage, and start over again.

If you’re on that kind of situation, that you’re the one who cheated.. the world will look at you as the villain.  Although yes, you made a mistake, you’re just a human.  What’s important is, you’ve learned your mistake, you made your apologies to people you hurt especially to your partner, who suffered the most.  They don’t know, but your’re suffering too.

Cheating happens because of many reasons:

One because you’re looking for attention.  This is not a good reason, but it happens, let’s face the reality.  We all get busy to work, to taking care of the kids and to doing the everyday chores, or to whatever reasons that makes us busy.  We forget our responsibilities with our partner, that we should also make time with them.  But what makes it worse is that, you don’t have good communication.  Maybe you’re not fighting, or not having any problems.. but you’re problem is, you’re not communicating.. at all.

One very bad reason is, when you’re getting tired of your relationship, and you’re looking for something new, and adventurous.  That really happens, to couples where either it’s your wife or your husband is no longer attractive to you.  You will look for someone, or sometimes, you see someone and you get attracted to them, and you can’t resist.  You know it’s wrong, very wrong, but you still did it.

Another reason that most people might agree with, is the cheater itself.  Like if you’re a serial cheater.  This kind of reason we all know is unforgivable, because serial cheating means, you do it over and over and over again.  That you’ve been known like that and you think it’s cool, because even if people knows you as a notorious serial cheater, you still get into a relationship.

But if you’re the one who was cheated on, how will you react on this?  How will you face your partner, or do you still want to talk about it at all?

No matter what the reasons are, if as long as it stopped and you have heard everything you need to hear, negotiation is necessary.  Although it’s hard to face the fact that your partner got the feeling of not liking you, you have to deal with it.  What’s important is, he/she went back to their original selves, and realized that they’re making the biggest mistakes of their lives.  Communication is very helpful.  Talk about everything, listen to each others’ thoughts, and respect it.  Although your partner made the mistake, it doesn’t mean you didn’t made a mistake.

Easy said than done, but forgive and forget is the only remedy for this kind of marriage problem.

But to the last reason of cheating, if you’re that kind of person, you need help.

Easy Ways on How to Save A Marriage

Many people are having a hard time saving their marriages, well, we could not blame them.. it’s really hard.  Saving a marriage from divorce is one of the hardest part of marriage.  But saving a marriage, if you and your partner still have love for each other and you want to save your marriage.. is just easy.. though, not fast.  It will take time, you need to work on it.. both of you in the relationship, should work on it.

As we all know, marriage is a working relationship.  Communication should always be there.  If you didn’t had that constant communication on your marriage, then now is the right time to do it.  Talk and listen.  If you think there is something that you should talk about in your relationship, talk about it.  A very nice approach will end to a very healthy and nice talk.  Treat your partner as your friend (with benefits?), talk to him/her like your talking to your friend.. like you’re just hanging out and enjoying each others’ company.

Always make a way to spend some quality time with your partner.  Being busy at work or at home, doing all the household chores or taking care of your children, is not an excuse to not to give time to your partner.  Spending times every week, once a week is enough to communicate and check each other.  Rekindle your relationship by setting up dates.  It doesn’t have to an expensive, a simple dinner date, a walk to a park, or going to your special places before, when you were just starting your relationship.

Leaving a romantic note, saying I Love You in your most romantic way.. who will not blush like a teenager if you heard it from your love one?  Anyone would.. wouldn’t you?

Marriage counseling is a big help too.  Although we sometimes hear that it doesn’t work, it actually depends on how you will take it.  If you trust your marriage counselor, and will obey or listen to every advice he/she will give you.. he/she could help you save your marriage.  Saving your marriage mostly depends on you.  On how you will work on it, on how eager you are, and on how much love you have for your love partner.

Is My Marriage Worth A Second Chance?

Actually, the real question for the real world is..  Do I want my marriage to give a second chance?

That means a lot I know.  But that is true though.  Not all married couples who are going through this rough patch, know if they still want their marriage to be saved.

But come to think of it, why did you married that person in the first place?  You’ve been hearing this, reading this, but it is true..  you gave your vows, you agreed to tie yourselves to each other for the rest of your lives, and enjoyed your honeymoon..  but now that your marriage is drowning.. bit by bit.. you will let go? and leave your partner there?  That is very immature and unprofessional.

Remember the days you were happy together, where you usually spend most of your times together, and where and when you made all your firsts.  Those things are enough for you to say that “my marriage is worth a second chance!”.

There is no perfect in this world.. we all agree to that, but you cannot use that reason to escape from your responsibilities, and pretend like nothing happened.  Try to solve the problem first before getting into the conclusion.  There are a lot of ways you can do to save your marriage.  Rekindling your relationship; set-up dates, it doesn’t have to be expensive, but if you can afford.. much more appreciated.  When you have kids, you could hire a baby sitter only to that specific date, if you cannot afford to hire a baby sitter..  take your baby with you and walk to the park.  Say your I Love Yous to your partner, show your love for him/her in your most romantic way.

Infidelity in marriage, one of the top reasons why people are having second thoughts about saving their marriages.  Although it is really not easy to face this kind of marriage crisis, if your partner who cheated on you already said their sincere apologies and promised not to do that again, giving them second chance is also one of your responsibility as it is included in your vow.

Every marriage is worth a second chance.

Spend quality time with your partner

“Every relationship needs quality time for the bond to remain close and to strengthen over time. Without quality time together a couple will gradually become distant and somewhat alienated from each other.” –Darren G. Burton, “How To Keep Your Man: And Keep Him For Good”

Spending quality time with your partner is as important as keeping your diet balance. You keep your diet to keep you fit and healthy, same thing should be in a relationship. To keep your relationship healthy, you should keep the communication with your partner and at least once or twice a week to spend times alone together. But how can you do it when you have kids to look at to? And your spouse gets home at night from work, tired. Is it still possible for you and your partner to spend times together?

There are ways which have been tried and practical in a way that you don’t have to give super effort to achieve it.

Make your weekends exclusively for family

It is simply no work on weekends. Make a deal that no one will bring work at home during weekends. Weekends is suppose to be the day for relaxation and days to cope with family. You can save Saturdays as your fixed date with your partner: go out and have fun just like what you used to when you were dating before. And on Sundays is for your family. A simple picnic will do, or share popcorn or pizza while watching a movie at home, or if you have budget, going to the mall is what children would really love.

Drive to/from work together whenever you can

If both of you are working, and you have the same destinations, driving together is a good chance to talk and catch up to each other. Listening to music can start up a good talk. And try not to talk about work as long as you can.

Plan and cook meal together

You can add some spice to your relationship while cooking together. Plan to cook something that both you haven’t tried before, or try to experiment and name it after your names or your kid’s name.

It doesn’t matter how long you spend time with each other, as long as you enjoy those times that you’re together. You cannot expect your partner to give his/her full attention to you. Because beside from work, there are things a person wants to do it only by him/herself. Spending times together is important in a relationship, but doings things separately sometimes, may help your relationship grow stronger.

Some facts about cheating

Do men cheat more often than women?  What pushes a person to have an affair?  Is it about sex or more often emotional reasons that drives them to these affairs?

One of the primary reasons why people cheat is because they’re not happy with their relationship.  Unsatisfied person will seek for someone who will fulfill that satisfaction they’ve been looking for in a relationship.
Loneliness drives women to seek out affairs and cheat on their partner.  If a woman is not appreciated or is not receiving the attention she feels she deserves in a relationship, she might be tempted to seek the attention to someone else and become involved in an affair.
While men on the other hand, cheat on their partner because of lack of interest.  Undesirable relationship leads a man to have an affair with someone who gives him the excitement he desires.  But he will not end the current relationship he has for fear that he may not find what he’s looking for and may be left alone in the end.

Men cheat more than women do.  Before, this was the case, but now the infedelity is balancing between men and women.  If a woman confirmed that her partner is cheating on her, or even just a suspicion, she may take it against her partner and do the same.  Revenge is a not good step, but most women tend to cheat on their partner and seek a way to hurt them in the same way.

It is an unpleasant experience to catch a cheating partner, but the sooner to know the truth, the better.  If the affair is known or strongly suspected, it’s better to be told.  There’s still more chance to help your relationship get back to work again.