Saving Marriage After an Affair

How do you save your marriage after an affair?  Is it still possible?

Every couple who’s going through this kind of marriage crisis, is asking this question.

It’s hard to gain trust, and it’s even harder to regain that trust when you broke it.  You know that you didn’t meant to break that trust, but it already happened, and you cannot change that no matter what you do.  You regretted it, and had made all kinds of apologies, but still, you felt like you’re the most dirtiest person on earth because you cheated on your partner.  You want to start again, but this trust issue in your relationship had made it harder for you.  You already know your mistake, and will do everything to save your marriage, and start over again.

If you’re on that kind of situation, that you’re the one who cheated.. the world will look at you as the villain.  Although yes, you made a mistake, you’re just a human.  What’s important is, you’ve learned your mistake, you made your apologies to people you hurt especially to your partner, who suffered the most.  They don’t know, but your’re suffering too.

Cheating happens because of many reasons:

One because you’re looking for attention.  This is not a good reason, but it happens, let’s face the reality.  We all get busy to work, to taking care of the kids and to doing the everyday chores, or to whatever reasons that makes us busy.  We forget our responsibilities with our partner, that we should also make time with them.  But what makes it worse is that, you don’t have good communication.  Maybe you’re not fighting, or not having any problems.. but you’re problem is, you’re not communicating.. at all.

One very bad reason is, when you’re getting tired of your relationship, and you’re looking for something new, and adventurous.  That really happens, to couples where either it’s your wife or your husband is no longer attractive to you.  You will look for someone, or sometimes, you see someone and you get attracted to them, and you can’t resist.  You know it’s wrong, very wrong, but you still did it.

Another reason that most people might agree with, is the cheater itself.  Like if you’re a serial cheater.  This kind of reason we all know is unforgivable, because serial cheating means, you do it over and over and over again.  That you’ve been known like that and you think it’s cool, because even if people knows you as a notorious serial cheater, you still get into a relationship.

But if you’re the one who was cheated on, how will you react on this?  How will you face your partner, or do you still want to talk about it at all?

No matter what the reasons are, if as long as it stopped and you have heard everything you need to hear, negotiation is necessary.  Although it’s hard to face the fact that your partner got the feeling of not liking you, you have to deal with it.  What’s important is, he/she went back to their original selves, and realized that they’re making the biggest mistakes of their lives.  Communication is very helpful.  Talk about everything, listen to each others’ thoughts, and respect it.  Although your partner made the mistake, it doesn’t mean you didn’t made a mistake.

Easy said than done, but forgive and forget is the only remedy for this kind of marriage problem.

But to the last reason of cheating, if you’re that kind of person, you need help.

Easy Ways on How to Save A Marriage

Many people are having a hard time saving their marriages, well, we could not blame them.. it’s really hard.  Saving a marriage from divorce is one of the hardest part of marriage.  But saving a marriage, if you and your partner still have love for each other and you want to save your marriage.. is just easy.. though, not fast.  It will take time, you need to work on it.. both of you in the relationship, should work on it.

As we all know, marriage is a working relationship.  Communication should always be there.  If you didn’t had that constant communication on your marriage, then now is the right time to do it.  Talk and listen.  If you think there is something that you should talk about in your relationship, talk about it.  A very nice approach will end to a very healthy and nice talk.  Treat your partner as your friend (with benefits?), talk to him/her like your talking to your friend.. like you’re just hanging out and enjoying each others’ company.

Always make a way to spend some quality time with your partner.  Being busy at work or at home, doing all the household chores or taking care of your children, is not an excuse to not to give time to your partner.  Spending times every week, once a week is enough to communicate and check each other.  Rekindle your relationship by setting up dates.  It doesn’t have to an expensive, a simple dinner date, a walk to a park, or going to your special places before, when you were just starting your relationship.

Leaving a romantic note, saying I Love You in your most romantic way.. who will not blush like a teenager if you heard it from your love one?  Anyone would.. wouldn’t you?

Marriage counseling is a big help too.  Although we sometimes hear that it doesn’t work, it actually depends on how you will take it.  If you trust your marriage counselor, and will obey or listen to every advice he/she will give you.. he/she could help you save your marriage.  Saving your marriage mostly depends on you.  On how you will work on it, on how eager you are, and on how much love you have for your love partner.

Is My Marriage Worth A Second Chance?

Actually, the real question for the real world is..  Do I want my marriage to give a second chance?

That means a lot I know.  But that is true though.  Not all married couples who are going through this rough patch, know if they still want their marriage to be saved.

But come to think of it, why did you married that person in the first place?  You’ve been hearing this, reading this, but it is true..  you gave your vows, you agreed to tie yourselves to each other for the rest of your lives, and enjoyed your honeymoon..  but now that your marriage is drowning.. bit by bit.. you will let go? and leave your partner there?  That is very immature and unprofessional.

Remember the days you were happy together, where you usually spend most of your times together, and where and when you made all your firsts.  Those things are enough for you to say that “my marriage is worth a second chance!”.

There is no perfect in this world.. we all agree to that, but you cannot use that reason to escape from your responsibilities, and pretend like nothing happened.  Try to solve the problem first before getting into the conclusion.  There are a lot of ways you can do to save your marriage.  Rekindling your relationship; set-up dates, it doesn’t have to be expensive, but if you can afford.. much more appreciated.  When you have kids, you could hire a baby sitter only to that specific date, if you cannot afford to hire a baby sitter..  take your baby with you and walk to the park.  Say your I Love Yous to your partner, show your love for him/her in your most romantic way.

Infidelity in marriage, one of the top reasons why people are having second thoughts about saving their marriages.  Although it is really not easy to face this kind of marriage crisis, if your partner who cheated on you already said their sincere apologies and promised not to do that again, giving them second chance is also one of your responsibility as it is included in your vow.

Every marriage is worth a second chance.

How to win your love back

How can you win back the love that has gone?  First, you have to figure out what went wrong with your relationship.

What did you do?

What did you not do?

What did you over do?

What did you slightly do?

When you cheated, or hurt your partner physically or emotionally, that’s a huge reason to break up with you.  You don’t expect your partner to still hang there and pretend like nothing happened, right?  But sometimes, we do something and we’re not aware that we have been hurting our love ones, or we don’t care that they’re hurting (that’s bad).  And now, we want them back.. well, good luck to that.  We have to learn to accept our mistakes, and do our best not to do those mistakes again.

Does the things you did not do could affect your relationship with your partner?  Yes, especially when it is something that your partner had been asking you, and you did not even cared to try, or you’re that busy you have no extra time for that.  It is not about that special requests from your partner, these things could be time, a quality time together.  Spending quality times with your partner is very important.  Lack of time could make your partner think that he/she’s not important to you anymore.  And it could be one of the reasons why you broke up.. now you have an idea how to win your partner back.. at least.

Whatever that’s overly done is not right.  It’s like overdosing yourself from a drug, it could kill you, it could give you hallucinations, and it’s not healthy.  In a relationship, if you’re always giving everything, and always willing to do everything for your partner, and is not receiving the same from them, but it’s still okay with you, it’s not healthy either.  That only fits to a parent-child relationship, and if this goes on.. your partner will be so dependent on you.  There are some people who likes them to be treated like that, but not all wants to be a king or queen in the hearts of their love ones.  Yes, he/she have to be no.1 in your heat, but your partner to be the king or queen.. then your the slave?  Because it’s you who gives more love, then you become the slave, who gives whatever your highness asks.. or even not asked.

The thing is, you should also love youself.  Maybe your partner is one of the people who don’t want to be treated like a queen or a king.  Maybe your partner wants to give their best to reciprocate that love, but yours is so overwhelming that they cannot give themselves the way you do.  So maybe, that’s one of the reasons why he/she left you.  Love your partner, but don’t forget to love yourself.

Now, if there’s overdosing.. there’s also lack of love.  It could also be not giving much time to your partner, or you simply don’t know how to show your love for them.  But if you don’t love your partner that much before, and now you’re so very much into him/her, but it’s too late.. now is the right time to change.

It’s not too late to make a change, show your ex that you’ve changed.  Show him/her that you’re worth the second chance, or third maybe.. but don’t push yourself, just be friendly and be confident (which are the second and third tips).

CopyCat Blogger

Last April 13, 2009, I posted my latest blog entry “How do you survive a long distance relationship”.  And last April 16, 2009, I caught this blogger who copied my blog entry word by word!  I would appreciate it if she just copied some lines, but the whole article?  So I posted a comment on “her” blog post, and I told her everything she needs to know.

I visited her blog again to see if she deleted it or put a link towards my blog, and edit the date (cause she pretended that she posted it on March 18, 2009).  I know that anyone can change the date settings of their own blogs.  Now she want it to come out like I copied her?  And yes, she edited “her”, she changed the title and same content.  And she closed the comment part.. so she read my comment and was guilty about it.  I don’t know how to contact her anymore, so I decided to blow everything here.. and I wish she visit again.

Anyway, here’s “her” blog post.. her blog was just 2-3 days old (based on her 2 other blog posts.. and I don’t know if those are her originals):

http://marianejay.blog.friendster.com/2009/03/how-do-you-survive-a-long-distance-relationship/

I will survive!!!

How do i survive a long distance relationship ? Many says it’s impossible.  There are others who says it’s possible, but it’s very difficult to handle.  A lot of sacrifices are needed to make it work, and you should double or triple your trust to your partner.  They say, the longer times you’re not together, the weaker your relationship gets.  And the longer times you have not seen each other, the lesser interest or lesser attraction you’ll feel towards your long distance partner.  So the end point is, separation (a permanent separation of a temporarily separated relationship).  It’s sad, but most long distance relationships, ends like that.

But what did they do, what have they done to their relationships to make it work that they’re now together and living happily with their partners?  What sacrifices did they do to achieve what they have now?

The answers are in your own relationship.  See how much you can give.  How much you can sacrifice for it, and how strong your feelings are for each other.  If you can trust your partner more than you trust him/her before. If you hear anything about anyone who’s linking to your partner, never confront him/her without concrete evidences.  Remember, trust is what you can only hang on to, and you will not enter into this kind of relationship if you don’t trust this person.  If you love each other enough, and if you respect each other deeply, and if you both understand each others’ situation, it’s not impossible to get through long distance relationship.  Anyway, you’re not always away from each other.

Communication is very important in every relationship.  If your communication to each other is not fading, or if you have constant time for each other.  Maybe, you can get through it too, and if you believe that you will be together too soon.  No matter how soon that is, what’ s important is, you agreed to each other that you’ll be strong for your relationship, and that the time will come that you’ll be together again.

Sacrifices are also necessary in a long distance relationship.  If you’re willing to give up some important things or persons or job for your partner, to be able to get near him/her, do it.  Because in life, you cannot have it all, you have to choose what you think will make you happier.  Between career and love, but you don’t have to choose between your relationship and your family and friends.. because you can still see them once in a while and be with your partner away from them.  What more can you ask for if you’re with someone you’ve been longing to be with?

Long distance relationship only works to couples who have deep love, trust, understanding and respect to their partners.  But a relationship who possesses those traits, but do not have enough patience at all, will not survive it.  Patience is a virtue.. always. I trust, respect & love you ‘tart ( jay ) with all my heart & soul!!!!

I miss you so much!!!!!!!

See, she at least added a sentence in the end and dedicated to her tart jay.. ridiculous!

The good thing is, wordpress has Blog Stats so we bloggers in wordpress could monitor visitors on our blogs.. that’s where I caught her.  And to prove that she visited my blog, I copied (print screen) that page to show her that I got evidence.. and she cannot just copy everything she see in the web.

blog stats- as of April 16, 09

I honestly don’t want to do this, but I asked her in a nice way.. and she still did it, and even made it worse.  Feels like she’s testing me.  I don’t know what replies am I going to get by doing this.. but I have to do something.. and it’s all I can think of.

How do you survive a long distance relationship?

Many says it’s impossible.  There are others who says it’s possible, but it’s very difficult to handle.  A lot of sacrifices are needed to make it work, and you should double or triple your trust to your partner.  They say, the longer times you’re not together, the weaker your relationship gets.  And the longer times you have not seen each other, the lesser interest or lesser attraction you’ll feel towards your long distance partner.  So the end point is, separation (a permanent separation of a temporarily separated relationship).  It’s sad, but most long distance relationships, ends like that.

But what did they do, what have they done to their relationships to make it work that they’re now together and living happily with their partners?  What sacrifices did they do to achieve what they have now?

The answers are in your own relationship.  See how much you can give.  How much you can sacrifice for it, and how strong your feelings are for each other.  If you can trust your partner more than you trust him/her before. If you hear anything about anyone who’s linking to your partner, never confront him/her without concrete evidences.  Remember, trust is what you can only hang on to, and you will not enter into this kind of relationship if you don’t trust this person.  If you love each other enough, and if you respect each other deeply, and if you both understand each others’ situation, it’s not impossible to get through long distance relationship.  Anyway, you’re not always away from each other.

Communication is very important in every relationship.  If your communication to each other is not fading, or if you have constant time for each other.  Maybe, you can get through it too, and if you believe that you will be together too soon.  No matter how soon that is, what’ s important is, you agreed to each other that you’ll be strong for your relationship, and that the time will come that you’ll be together again.

Sacrifices are also necessary in a long distance relationship.  If you’re willing to give up some important things or persons or job for your partner, to be able to get near him/her, do it.  Because in life, you cannot have it all, you have to choose what you think will make you happier.  Between career and love, but you don’t have to choose between your relationship and your family and friends.. because you can still see them once in a while and be with your partner away from them.  What more can you ask for if you’re with someone you’ve been longing to be with?

Long distance relationship only works to couples who have deep love, trust, understanding and respect to their partners.  But a relationship who possesses those traits, but do not have enough patience at all, will not survive it.  Patience is a virtue.. always.

A New Beginning

Why A New Beginning?
Because it means a better life, positivity, a better future.  It also means a new life ahead of you, or a new start with your partner.  Starting for new chapters of your relationship, for the better.  Changing all that has to be changed.. improving everything that has to be improved.  And making your and others’ past experiences as your guide and your motivations to move on and to improve your relationship with your partner.  But how are you going to start a new?  Where do you start?

A New Beginning Marriage Workshop is not like counseling or therapy.  It is an educational experience unlike anything else you may have ever tried or encountered before.  Although all of the Leaders of A New Beginning are counselors or therapists with advanced training in marriage and family issues, the workshop is not about analysis.  It’s about empowering you with knowledge, insight and skills.

What if your spouse don’t trust or is having a hard time trusting a third party to get in between your personal matters?  And it will end up like you’re the only to attend.. well that doesn’t matter, because you’re not the only one to attend the workshop without your spouse with you.  It had been the case for most who had experienced and attended it.. and they left the workshop with the information necessary to understand where their marriage went wrong, tools to evaluate the behavior and expectations as spouse, and skills to develop a strong marital relationship.  And what happens next, is up to them.. to you.  The decision to whether to save your marriage or not, is up to you.

Couples who attend the workshop are there for many different reasons, they come from different ages, and are all willing to learn skills that can help them save their marriages.  Even couples who had divorced, were reunited and fallen back in love with each other after attending A New Beginning.

It is never too late to save your marriage.  Do it for yourself and for your relationship with your partner especially, and for your children if you have one.

*To register, visit Workshop Pre-Registration and fill out the information needed to begin the registration process.

Divorce and Impact on children

A child cries a lot when his favorite toy was broken.  But after he cried, he will probably do something to fix it, or will ask for someone preferably his mom to help him fix it.  We all know that a mother will do everything for her child, so she will do everything just to fix it.  But once it was fixed, It won’t be the same again.  Them damage will still be there, and the child scrutinizing his repaired toy will se the markings and will cry for it again.  With his innocence and his mother’s will to stop from crying, the only solution she could think of is to buy another toy.  But is that what the child wants?

Not to compare parents from a toy, but they both complete a child’s life: to be happy, and to be nurtured.

When divorce enters into the family, it affects everyone.. and the most affected are the children.  If parents could only know what their children think:

“Can I do something, anything to change my parents’ minds?”

“What will happen to us, to our family, if this happens?”

“Is everything’s  still gonna be okay, like what they always say?”

maybe they’ll begin to think, if they made the right decision.

Can a child make these questions up in his mind, knowing that he’s only a child?  He might also think he’s the cause of all this problems, and begin to think that something’s wrong with him.

As a parent, you are obliged to explain to your child and make him understand that he’s not the reason why considered divorce as solution to your problems.  Maybe as a child, he will not fully understand the situations, but just to hear from you that he’s still loved by his parents is a big impact for him, though he will still choose his parents to be together.

And no matter what you do and convince yourself that the life of your child will not change; the effects of divorce will still be there. And if you or both of you decided to get married again, to give him a new family.. for him, he only have a pair of parents, and they cannot be replaced.

How to start your day..

when you’re going to start again?
from waking up in the morning
thinking of the past, of yesterday
of the bad memories, of good ones
then thinking of today…
what can you expect for today?
or is there anything to expect?
maybe just leave it like whatever happens, happens
better be on the safe side
than to expect and get hurt in the end
why does it have to be complicated
when it can be done nice and simple?
don’t know, maybe just thinking too much
when there’s nothing to think about
now, back to the question..
how to start your day?
still a question.

Is love is still in the air?

Valentines day had passed.  Now everyone is busy at work and trying to earn again the money they used on that special day.  But, is it worth it?  Did everything ended up to something that you planned and dreamed of?  Did the air filled with love when you were together on that night? on that whole day of 14th?

Isn’t it nice to see couples holding hands while walking, eating on fine restaurants with music filled with love.  Then you can really say that “love is in the air”.  But on the other side of it, there are some couples who break and are fighting on that very special day for lovers.  For reasons that all relationships had encountered.  Maybe they still tried to fix it and be sweet like the other  couples, but just can’t be.  Anyway, you can’t hide hatred and all the emotions hanging on your head and pretend like you’re ok when it’s really not.  That maybe the idea of Valentines date just worsen the fight.

And now couples of days had passed, does the  sweet couples of Valentines day are still sweet? or become sweeter?  How does Valentines affect your relationship?  Does it makes you more open to each other, and made your relationship stronger?  Because some remained dull.  No matter how hard they try to save the relationship, it just can’t, maybe it’s better to cut it off, before it create more damage to both of them.  That maybe they can still be friends, maybe they’ll be better of friends than lovers.  Anyway, some ex-couples become friends, just as long as they had a good break up, no more hard feelings, and everything had a nice closure.

Love should not always be just on the 14th of February, or on 25th of December as they say.  Though those are special days, isn’t it better if we feel it all through the year,  and have no feeling of being so caught by the special holiday where lovers should be sweet all over and gifts given away to special someones?  Though those days just happen once a year, sometimes it’s all frustating that someone or rather everyone is expecting you of something which you cannot give.  Maybe it’s something that we just have to live with, because that’s the way it is, and we can’t do nothing to change it.  Just maybe next time, be more honest to each other, so there will be no risk of losing something.