Divorce and Impact on children

9 03 2009

A child cries a lot when his favorite toy was broken.  But after he cried, he will probably do something to fix it, or will ask for someone preferably his mom to help him fix it.  We all know that a mother will do everything for her child, so she will do everything just to fix it.  But once it was fixed, It won’t be the same again.  Them damage will still be there, and the child scrutinizing his repaired toy will se the markings and will cry for it again.  With his innocence and his mother’s will to stop from crying, the only solution she could think of is to buy another toy.  But is that what the child wants?

Not to compare parents from a toy, but they both complete a child’s life: to be happy, and to be nurtured.

When divorce enters into the family, it affects everyone.. and the most affected are the children.  If parents could only know what their children think:

“Can I do something, anything to change my parents’ minds?”

“What will happen to us, to our family, if this happens?”

“Is everything’s  still gonna be okay, like what they always say?”

maybe they’ll begin to think, if they made the right decision.

Can a child make these questions up in his mind, knowing that he’s only a child?  He might also think he’s the cause of all this problems, and begin to think that something’s wrong with him.

As a parent, you are obliged to explain to your child and make him understand that he’s not the reason why considered divorce as solution to your problems.  Maybe as a child, he will not fully understand the situations, but just to hear from you that he’s still loved by his parents is a big impact for him, though he will still choose his parents to be together.

And no matter what you do and convince yourself that the life of your child will not change; the effects of divorce will still be there. And if you or both of you decided to get married again, to give him a new family.. for him, he only have a pair of parents, and they cannot be replaced.

Advertisements




How to save a marriage that’s about to fall apart?

12 01 2009

Marriage is the institution whereby men and women are joined in a special kind of social and legal dependence for the purpose of founding and maintaining a family.

It’s so heartbreaking to see that a marriage will just end after the long time of taking care of it.  The fact that filing for divorce is not usually the solution,  it just may cause extreme confusion to your children, and we don’t want that to happen.  Now, how are you gonna save your marriage?

If you and your partner are both commited to save your relationship, you can always seek for a professional help.  Aside from marriage counseling, there are other ways on how to save your marriage.

  • Learn to realize that there’s no such thing as a perfect marriage.  Every relationship has it’s own problems and yet there are solutions to every problems.  A couple who’s dreaming of a perfect marriage or perfect relationship is living on a fairy tale, which all we know does not exist.  You just have to learn how to fix your problems, and do it together.
  • Communicate.  It is very important in a relationship especially in marriage.  Have yourselves time to talk about the relationship, and as much as possible, forget about blaming and confronting each other, you had done all that.
  • Learn how to compromise with your partner.  It is one of the key component of a healthy relationship, especially in marriage.  It’s a give-and-take relationship that each party should learn.
  • The Commitment.  When you entered a relationship, there’s a commitment bonded.  Commitment plays the biggest role in your relationship.  Everything will be of no use if one of you is not interested at all.

Saving a marriage always depends on both parties, if both of you are really into it, then you can still save it.  Remember that you should always think of your children first before you, their future should not be at risk.